The Perils of Prefect Patrol
by obstacle1
Summary: "James was going to kill him. He was going to be forcibly castrated." In which Remus does something really, really bad, and tries to hide it. A week in the lives of the Marauders. Remus/Lily James/Lily
1. Night 1: I Called First Dibs

Night 1: I Called First Dibs

* * *

James was going to kill him.

Remus paced around the dormitory, resisting the urge to hit something. Or to hit himself with something.

He was going to be forcibly castrated.

James and Sirius would be back from Quidditch practice soon. They knew hundreds of secret passages all over the castle. They could hide his body where no one would ever find it. Then no one would ever miss him. No one would cry for him.

It was all James' fault for making her cry.

* * *

"I hate him – I can't bloody stand him!" Lily was already venting, and they'd barely left the Common Room.

He could still see the Fat Lady. There had been about five seconds of nice, quiet prefect patrol before tonight's edition of _Why I hate James Potter_ had begun. With its reluctant audience of one.

In all honesty, he would just have started asking her questions about the Transfiguration homework that was due in tomorrow.

_Maybe I should get some hobbies._

At least Lily talking gave him an excuse to look at her.

_Is Lily-looking a hobby?_

He was rather good at Lily-looking. The trick was to do it when James was around. James would be too busy looking at Lily to see him Lily-looking, and Lily would be too busy reacting to whatever James had done or said to notice him.

The trouble was Sirius. Sirius was often Remus-looking when he was Lily-looking. Sirius would give him suspicious glares when he caught him. And he didn't think Sirius believed him when he said the reason he had to stare at Lily for so long every in transfiguration lesson was because he was trying Legilimency on her. To find out how to get her to like James, of course.

"—how anyone can be such a tosspot, I don't –"

_Tosspot. Tosspotter. _

Maybe he'd leave that one to Severus.

Lily took a breath and smiled at the amused look he gave her. Something fluttered in his chest.

_Repress and suppress it._

Peter had said something similar when he'd tried going on a diet. But it hadn't stopped him sneaking back from the Kitchens with armfuls of Chocolate Éclairs at night, moaning about how tasty they were when they'd caught him.

The problem was, Lily Evans also looked pretty tasty. Even werewolf-Remus agreed. And Remus very rarely agreed with werewolf-Remus. They didn't get on very well.

Then again, werewolf-Remus thought all humans looked pretty tasty.

Remus wondered how long his Lily-diet would last. He looked at her. She was still talking about James. James was the whole reason for the Lily-diet.

_She's off-limits. So off-limits. More off-limits than the Forbidden Forest would be if it started growing on the third floor corridor. _

He opened a broom cupboard and peered inside. Empty.

He wondered why he had to spend his evenings with Lily Evans pulling snogging students out of broom cupboards, and never actually got to go into one with her.

_Dangerous territory. _

They walked down another corridor.

"Hamish—

_Hamish Dapperly. Seventh Year Ravenclaw. Tall, clever, good-looking bloke with perfect hair. Good at: Chess, Ancient Runes and kissing Lily Evans. Lily Evans' boyfriend. Bane of James Potter's existence. Marauder Prank Hit List: only a few spots below Severus Snape. _

- broke up with me this morning", Lily said in a small voice, which was so different from her usual tone that Remus turned to look at her. There were tears shining in her eyes.

_Those lovely eyes. All green and lovely and deep enough to swim in. And watery. _

Lily was about to cry.

_Ah._

He was no good with the girls that didn't cry. He didn't think he'd be any better with the girls that did.

_What about the advice Sirius had on the crying girls?_

Somehow he didn't think asking Lily if they could go up to his dormitory just one more time would help matters.

"Oh – did he say why?" he asked, pretty sure this conversation was a bad idea, but he didn't really have any other options. Other than patting Lily on the back, and saying 'there, there' consolingly. And that was a terrible idea.

"No—", Lily sniffled, and Remus prayed she wouldn't cry. Otherwise there would definitely be back-patting. "He did it just after Potions. He said it had nothing to do with the pranks, that it was because he wanted to focus on his NEWTs instead, and he didn't have time for me anymore."

Lily gave a sad little smile and blinked back tears as she looked up at Remus. He wished he had the nerve to comfort her.

_Off-limits._

"Ever since James started filling his satchel with Bubotuber Pus, he's been acting distant."

_That was actually my idea. Why do James and Sirius always get all the credit?_

She wiped her eyes and laughed bitterly. Remus suddenly wished the Bubotuber Pus hadn't been his idea.

"And then Sirius turned his tie into a Moray Eel, and you know he's allergic to seafood—"

_Yeah. James told me that last night._

He wisely kept quiet.

"—so he spent the entire afternoon in the Hospital Wing."

_Why had they done that prank? It was something James told them Hamish had said about the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. Something about having less backbone than a flobberworm and needing new chasers like Severus needs hair conditioner - come to think of it, that was exactly the sort of insult that James would come up with…_

"Does Hamish even play Quidditch?"

Lily gave him a strange look. "No", she said miserably. "He didn't even watch the last Ravenclaw match."

_Aha._

* * *

Peter was watching Remus pace around the dormitory with a worried look on his face. Nervous people tended to make Peter nervous.

It was all Peter's fault, really.

Why did Peter have to go out and get a girlfriend?

How did Peter even go about getting a girlfriend?

_Chloe Tindsley. Fifth Year Hufflepuff. Short, quiet girl. Plain-looking, but has a nice smile. Good at: being Peter's girlfriend, making Peter stutter, being a constant source of amusement to James and Sirius. Marauder Prank Hit List: absent_

Remus fell onto his bed and lay there, groaning to himself.

* * *

They came to the painting of Emperor Clawgustus, a hippogriff famous in centuries past. He was currently locked in deadly combat with three thestrals.

Lily sat down on the bench under the painting.

_This is turning into a sitting conversation. Sitting conversations are never good._

He would have preferred battling thestrals.

"Is it because of James, that boys dump me? Or is it something else?"

_Nah, it's definitely something else. It's those lovely freckles. It's the way you bite your lip in Potions when your potion doesn't turn out exactly like it should. Even though it almost always does. It's because you're so easy to talk to. It's that adorable lopsided smile you sometimes make when we're doing Ancient Runes homework together. It's because you're–_

_Off-limits. _

"I dunno, I've never dated you", Remus said, far too quickly, and laughed nervously.

Then he wished he could punch himself in the face.

_Idiot._

He found that if he didn't look at Lily, it was easier to think what to say. He still had to listen to the sniffling, though. Something twisted uncomfortably in his stomach. It felt a lot like guilt.

_James has gone too far this time. We all went too far._

If he was being honest, the only reason he'd gone along with all the pranking was because the thought of Lily and Hamish together filled him with a bitter feeling he tried not to think too hard about.

"I saw them making fun of you at lunch, you know. I don't know why you put up with it."

_Great._

Now Peter had somehow managed to snag himself a girlfriend, James and Sirius had started teasing him mercilessly about his luck – or lack of it – with the ladies. And because he couldn't announce that werewolves weren't exactly hot property to the whole of the Gryffindor Table, he'd had to keep quiet.

"Yeah – well, that was light-hearted."

_I think._

"Why do you hang out with them?"

"Well, they're my friends."

"Really?"

Lily was watching him with something that looked like pity.

He hoped it wasn't pity. She continued.

"It's not like they're nice to you or anything; all they do is play pranks on you and talk you into keeping them out of detention by abusing your prefect privileges."

_They've done more for me than you'll ever know. Than you could ever imagine._

"What's it to you?" he shot back, starting to get annoyed.

"Because you're my friend too, Remus, and I don't see what you see in James – or what he's done that so great that you're fine when he mocks you."

_He accepted me. And convinced Sirius to do the same. He spent almost every night last year practicing to become an Animagus, just so I wouldn't have to go through full moons alone. He saved me from Azkaban. And he stopped me from killing Severus – your dear Severus._

"Lily, just stop it."

He didn't want to have this argument again. Unfortunately Lily didn't take the hint.

"No Remus, I won't stop it, the way he treats you, it's worse than what he does to me, because he's – because you're meant to be friends and he just—"

_Enough._

"It's got nothing to do with you!" he cried, infuriated.

"It does, Remus, because I care – I care about you." She stumbled for a moment, and then continued angrily. "—and I've seen the way you and Peter look at him, like he's some sort of hero or something, it's pathetic, _bloody_ James Potter, and you all–"

"Just leave it – just fucking leave it, alright!" he yelled. "All you do is _moan_ and _bitch_ and _whine_ about James – when you don't know the first thing about the things he does, the sacrifices he makes, how he nearly _died _for Sev—you don't know a _fucking_ thing about any of it!"

Lily was shocked into silence.

Remus stormed off down the corridor.

He'd nearly made it to the staircase at the far end when sounds – pitiful, gulping sounds – started coming from the bench.

She was crying.

_I've said too much. I can't go back now._

He came to an uncomfortable realisation.

_Those tears are my fault._

The guilt resurfaced. His anger had all gone by now.

_She was in tears about Hamish five minutes ago. And I shouted at her._

All Lily had really wanted to do was get him to stand up to his friends.

He walked back to the bench.

Lily wouldn't look at him. Her head was bowed, and she dabbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her jumper.

"Don't cry", he muttered, feeling thoroughly uncomfortable.

_Please don't cry._

He wished Lily would shout at him, scream at him; do anything to call him out for being a bad friend. But she just sat there and cried. He didn't think he'd ever felt so small in his life.

"Lily – please –" he tried again, but all he got in reply were tears.

He sat down awkwardly on the bench next to her, and after a few seconds of sniffling, gave in and put a hand on her back.

_There, there._

But he never got round to much back-patting. Lily scooted under his arm and went straight in for a hug. Which was a nice surprise. Although now she was crying on him.

"You probably hate me too now. You and Hamish both."

"Of course I don't hate you", he told the top of her head. Even if his jumper was being used as a tissue. "It's just that there are things about James you don't – and won't ever know. Even if he acts daft around you, he's still the best person I know."

_I'm sorry I shouted at you. _

"I just don't get why he does it then. Why he has to ruin everything relationship I'm in."

_I wonder why…_

"I'd think that would be obvious", he said with a chuckle.

Lily gave him a teary glare.

He decided to keep quiet. A silence followed. It was punctuated by sniffling.

_What would James think if he saw me now? _

**Careful Moony, you might get lucky at last.**

_He wouldn't even consider me a threat. _

"Do you like me Remus?"

_Do bees like to bumble?_

Lily gave him a long look.

"Of course I like you, Lily", he said in his super-platonic best friend voice.

Remus wasn't really sure what other voices he had. Apart from his super-seductive boyfriend voice. Maybe he'd use that one later.

_Or never._

There was a damp patch on his jumper.

"You know what I mean. Do you like, likeme?"

"Lily… come on…"

_Please be joking. Say 'hypothetically'. Say it. Please Lily._

"Remus."

He could feel the tickle of her eyelashes on his neck. She shifted slightly, turning her face up towards him, and Remus tried very hard to ignore the fact that Lily Evans was practically sitting in his lap. A pair of green eyes, hurt and vulnerable, looked into his.

_Ah. So you were being completely serious._

"Would it matter if I did?" he said at length, surprised at the bitterness in his voice.

"Yes." Lily said simply.

_Oh._

Remus didn't have anything to say to that. So Lily tried again.

"If it wasn't for James, would you – you know – would you?"

_Would I what? Help you with your homework? Hold you? Kiss you? Love you? Bed you? Wed you? Make you Lily Lupin? Everyone knows it sounds much better than Lily Potter – it's alliterative and everything – _

Those eyes kept looking into his, searching, asking him questions he couldn't answer. He couldn't keep looking at her, because it was only a matter of time before he gave in and did something unforgiveable.

So he pretended to be interested in the floorboards.

"Remus?"

Maybe it was his turn to take a hint.

"What?"

He wished Lily would stop with the questions.

"Look at me", she said quietly.

So he looked at her. And her eyes were filled with tears and wishes he could never answer.

Something in him broke. Lily saw it, and leant upwards a little. He could feel her breath on his chin.

Remus closed his eyes. And titled his head. Just slightly.

* * *

They'd be back from practice any minute now. Then he'd be toast.

He wondered if Lily liked toast. He wondered what Lily-flavoured toast would taste like.

_Delicious._

Maybe he could run away. But where could he go that wouldn't look suspicious? It wasn't like he could pull a Clawgustus and run off to battle thestrals.

_Oh, to be a hippogriff._

* * *

"Out." Lily said sternly.

Two very embarrassed Hufflepuffs scurried past Remus. He grinned at them. Then his arm was nearly yanked out of its socket as Lily pulled him into the broom cupboard.

"Close the door", she whispered.

_I thought we got rid of the Hufflepuffs?_

A blush darkened Lily's cheeks.

_Oh. _

He closed the door. Everything went dark. Which was nice.

* * *

Remus stared at the dormitory ceiling.

Maybe there was a way out of this.

Maybe he could turn himself into a flobberworm, and flobber about without a care in the world for the rest of his flobber days.

But flobberworms only have a lifespan of two days.

Still, it was longer than his current life expectancy.

Maybe he could get a scholarship to the Romanian Quidditch Leagues, marry a quiet but sweet witch named Natalya, have three kids, called Dmitri, Ivan and Alexei, live in a wooden bungalow deep in a Romanian forest, and tend to his vegetable patch in the back garden three afternoons a week. He could play reserve chaser for the Bratislava Bullets. He could drink borscht six days a week and learn to hate the West. Hopefully this whole Cold War nonsense would blow over. He could do that—

Maybe he could be resorted.

He stood up, resolving to go straight to Dumbledore's office. The Sorting Hat could probably use the attention, considering it sat on a shelf for three hundred and sixty-four days a year.

Except what he'd just done had been neither clever, cunning, and most definitely not loyal. He probably couldn't even get into Hufflepuff.

He went back to his bed and lay there, groaning to himself.

* * *

Remus nibbled gently on Lily's neck and got a moan of agreement in response.

**You call that biting? All that sweet, succulent flesh—**

Remus ignored werewolf-Remus. Werewolf-Remus had a thing for biting necks.

And werewolf-Remus was also a sore loser.

_Neck-nibbling: Remus 1 Werewolf-Remus 0_

_Ha! In your werewolf face!_

Then Remus wondered why he was arguing with werewolf-Remus when there much more enjoyable thing he could be doing. Things like Lily.

_Steady on there, Romeo. _

He settled for kissing. And maybe his hands wandered a little.

* * *

He looked at his pillow.

Maybe he could charm it to smother him. It would probably be a lot less painful than whatever James had planned.

_What kind of Tosspotter defends their friend and then betrays him immediately afterwards?_

Maybe he could polyjuice himself into Lily, because James could never be mad at Lily. And then he just had to make out with James a few times to take his mind off betrayal. And then years down the line, when James and Remus-Lily were happily married, he'd just—

Maybe he should stop coming up with ideas.

Lily's roommate, Olivia Gobson had probably told half the castle by now.

Maybe he could get Sirius to seduce her in exchange for silence—

Would Sirius seduce a girl if he wasn't given a reason?

Of course he would.

The door opened. This was it.

Frank Longbottom walked in.

_Sweet merciful Merlin, thank you._

"Hey Remus."

"Hey."

He lay back down on his bed. Frank continued.

"Things are going really well with Alice. We went to the Lake tonight – she told me she—"

"Not now. Frank." Remus groaned, burying his face in his pillow.

"Oh. Sorry."

And now he was being mean to Frank. Good-natured Frank, who'd never hurt so much as a Flobberworm.

What was it with flobberworms tonight?

Frank's went back down to Common Room, mumbling something to himself.

The quaffle-sized lump of guilt lodged in his stomach grew slightly. He wished he could disappear.

Maybe he could steal James' invisibility cloak. And live underneath it forever and forever.

But could he steal the cloak and Lily? Those were like James' two favourite things ever.

_"I don't belong to James Fucking Potter!"_

Maybe he shouldn't think of Lily as James' thing. Although James did have a pretty cool middle name. It was better than Archibald, at any rate.

* * *

"Aren't we supposed to stop this sort of thing happening in broom cupboards?" he asked once he got his breath back.

"Probably", Lily said, and even though he couldn't see her, he could hear she was smiling. "But I won't tell if you don't."

_I'm rather good at secret-keeping. Just ask werewolf-Remus._

He'd never caught anyone talking in a broom cupboard. They were doing other things. Things he should probably get back to doing.

He leaned forward into the darkness.

Lily made a noise of surprise. Then she made a noise of approval. Then his lips found hers, and he didn't have to think about anything anymore.

* * *

He picked up a textbook at random, flicked through a few pages, and tossed it back on the floor.

Maybe he should confront Lily. That would be fun.

_Lily dearest, love of my life, light of my days, you know that conversation we had last night? Yeah, that one – the one that ended in some lovely but misguided kissing about those jerks that dump you because they're frightened of James Potter. Well, I'm dumping you 'cause I'm frightened of James Potter._

Maybe—

Maybe she'd dump him! Maybe he was just a rebound from Hamish, an accident.

Remus wasn't quite sure how he felt about being someone's rebound.

If Lily dumped him it would be perfect.

Except the thought of Lily dumping him left him with a feeling that was a long way from what perfect should feel like.

What did perfect feel like?

_Lily's lips._

Remus groaned inwardly. At this rate James wasn't just going to kill him. He'd be fed to the Giant Squid.

* * *

In the end they managed to stop kissing for just long enough to get out of the broom cupboard.

"I think we should get back on patrol", he said, smiling as Lily straightened her jumper out.

She took his hand into hers and interlinked their fingers. His stomach did a flip.

"You know", she said, looking up at him, "Next time James and Sirius starting teasing you, I think you've got a pretty good story to tell them."

His brain clicked into gear.

_James and Sirius._

_Oh shit._

* * *

The Map was poking out of James' trunk. He hopped off his bed and went over to pick it up.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

His own dot was standing in the sixth year boys' dormitory. He didn't have to look far to find James and Sirius. They were coming up the staircase to the Fat Lady.

"Mischief managed".

_Friendship damaged._

* * *

Several broom cupboard ambushes later, they were back at the Fat Lady.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then", Lily said, giving him a coy smile that hinted at a number of things.

He nodded and got a quick kiss on the cheek before she hurried through the Portrait Hole.

He didn't go in for a while. There was an emptiness in his chest where Lily had been.

He could fill it with guilt.

* * *

James and Sirius walked in.

So this was it. He'd not had a bad run. He'd had seventeen good years, he'd found the three best friends anyone could ask for – although that number would very shortly be reduced to zero – and he'd kissed a girl. Although if he stayed alive another day or two, he might be able to do things that went further than kissing…

_Not now. _

"Hey." James said.

"Hey." Remus said.

"Hey." Sirius said.

"Hey." Remus said.

"Did McNair put that Parroting Curse on you again, Remus?"

_Did McNair put that Parroting Curse on you again, Remus?_

"No."

James didn't have his wand out. He was going to be bludgeoned to death by a Comet 180.

_Goodnight, sweet prince._

"How was patrol?" James asked.

Remus gulped.

_Pretty standard. Wandering down empty corridors, weeding fourth years out of broom cupboards, and snogging Lily Evans senseless. What was that last one? Something about broom cupboards? No, the one after that…although, now you mention broom cupboards…_

"Oh, you know—", he said slowly, relieved to hear his voice didn't betray him.

_A voice can't, but a friend can. _

"—pretty boring—"

If it had been any less boring he would have passed out.

"—you didn't k— miss much. Miss much."

James and Sirius were watching him curiously. It would be less suspicious if he didn't look like he was about to have a heart attack. Even if he was.

There was a short silence.

Perhaps they didn't know after all. Perhaps Olivia Gobson had died in a tragic potion-making accident.

_Oh happy day!_

But if he kept quiet any longer, they'd know something was up.

_Say something! Say anything! _

But all Remus could think about were soft lips and teasing fingers, and hair that smelt of flowers he couldn't name.

_Not broom cupboards. Broomsticks._

_"_How was Quidditch practice?" he managed, starting to think that James and Sirius really didn't know.

"Wet", Sirius said with a wry smile. "And windy. You alright Moony?" he asked.

_Uh-oh._

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just not feeling great – I think it's the moon."

_If the moon could stop you breathing with a smile. _

Sirius frowned. "Isn't it the new moon tomorrow? Dammit – Prongs!"

Remus was saved from further questioning, as James snuck round behind Sirius and made a run for the bathroom with a cry of 'first shower!'. Sirius caught James by the ankle and tackled him to the ground, at which point James kicked out in an effort to free himself, but Sirius held on and managed to climb over him, dashing into the bathroom with a cry of victory.

A defeated James was left lying on the floor.

"I called first dibs", he said between breaths, looking up at Remus with a sour expression.

_I know you did Prongs. I know you did. _

Remus went back to his own bed. He wasn't planning on getting much sleep tonight. Sirius was humming a victory tune from the shower.

"Night, Moony", Peter said, closing the curtains on his four-poster bed.

Remus didn't reply, because his brain had just connected the idea of _shower _with the idea of _Lily_, and had subsequently stopped working. And that was before the idea of _prefect's bathroom_ was added to the mix.

He punched his pillow and rolled over.

What on earth was he going to do on patrol tomorrow night?

* * *

Review!


	2. Day 1: Dealing with Ghouls

Day 1: Dealing with Ghouls

* * *

Remus resumed his Lily-looking at breakfast the next morning. He noticed there were several small, circular marks on Lily's neck just above the collar of her shirt. They were most definitely his doing.

And James had spotted them.

_Uh-oh._

"Evans - has Dapperly been giving you trouble?" he called out down the table, pointing to his own neck.

Lily blushed in response and smiled at Remus.

_Oh. Oh?_

This was a very dangerous thing to do. It muddled Remus' mind, already vulnerable in its early morning state, and made him think all sorts of daft thoughts. One of them being that it was a good idea to smile back at her. Until he noticed Sirius was watching him.

And Sirius definitely wasn't smiling.

_Keep it together, Moony. Don't make Padfoot Madfoot._

He looked down at his plate. Toast and scrambled eggs.

_Scrambled eggs. Tasty with a dash of pepper. Yum-yum._

**You know what else would be tasty with a dash of pepper? Lil—**

_Not now, you werewolf mutt._

Besides, Remus thought, Lily was more than tasty enough without pepper.

_No I didn't. Why would I think a daft thing like that?_

He should probably just keep his head down. And hope Sirius hadn't learnt Occlumency since last night.

_If he has, I'm toast._

He looked down at his toast. Being toast didn't look so bad. It looked better than being hexed by James Potter, at any rate.

"Evans, there's a great new curse I've been dying to use, just let me have a crack at Dapperly later, it'll be hilarious, I promise—"

Lily ignored James and smiled at Remus. Sirius looked suspiciously between Lily and Remus. Remus kept looking at his toast.

_I need some help here, toast. _

Maybe his toast had the answer to all his problems.

Unfortunately his toast didn't say anything. He tried to ply it with butter. But it stayed stubbornly silent.

_Curse you, non-magical toast._

Well, if hats and portraits could talk, he didn't see why his toast had to keep quiet.

Lily kept Remus-looking. Sirius kept Remus-looking. Remus turned around and looked at some Hufflepuff.

Peter looked at Remus.

"Moony, why are you eyeing up the Hufflepuff second year girls?"

_I don't know Peter. Maybe it's because I'm barely awake. Maybe it's because if I look at Lily I'll do something stupid, like smile, or blush, or wave. And when Inspector Potter and Detective Black catch me sending a loving look or two down the Gryffindor table, they will proceed to beat me to a pulp with those stale hash browns on the plate in front of you. _

_And I don't know if I'm more scared of telling Lily we can't be together because of James, or more scared of telling James I've been with Lily. _

Remus sighed and went back to his toast.

* * *

James let out a smitten sigh as he gazed across the Charms classroom.

"She's broken up with Hamish", he said to no one in particular, but Sirius, Remus and Peter all knew who he was talking about. "Diggory told me after breakfast."

_Amos Diggory. Sixth year Hufflepuff. Always looking cheerful about something or other. Good at: Quidditch, Herbology, and apparently knowing every intimate detail of Lily Evans' love life. _

_Although maybe not the newest detail. Me._

Remus tried to concentrate on his work, but his attention kept being drawn in a very similar direction to James', and he had to stop and remind himself why he should be concentrating on Charms instead of the charming Miss Evans.

_It's not fair to James because he's liked Lily since forever._

The problem was, James liking Lily didn't make him like her any less. And besides, Remus didn't know why James had to pick Lily. Girls were practically falling over themselves to get him to notice them.

But he knew that James only wanted one girl.

_I only want one girl, too._

The same girl.

_If only Lily had a sister._

He remembered that Lily did, in fact, have a sister.

_Petunia Evans, remember? Actually, on second thoughts, don't remember her. Eww._

Lily had invited him round once in the summer holidays last year. James had been so jealous he'd refused to speak to him for a week when they'd got back to school.

_It may be slightly longer than a week this time. _

There was an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.

It might have been guilt. Or it might have been because Sirius was poking him in the stomach.

"Remus", he hissed. "Help me."

"What is it?" he whispered back, because Sirius looked really worried. Like someone had died worried.

"Have you done the homework?"

_Every week._

"Yes."

"Can I borrow it?"

Remus reached into his bag with a long-suffering sigh and pulled out the homework he had so diligently done earlier in the week. While Sirius had been off doing God only knows what.

_Probably some Hufflepuff witch._

"You're a lifesaver, Moony." Sirius grinned.

_Moony. _

Lily had once asked why James, Sirius and Peter called him that. He'd said it was because he was pale.

_"Well, I'm pale too Remus. Maybe they should call me Moony as well."_

_"They only call me that because I'm so pale and pasty – I mean, I look like death warmed over most days. _

_"Come off it, Remus! I think you look a bit better than death."_

_"You never know – death might be a looker."_

And Lily had laughed.

_"I still don't know why James doesn't call me Moony. He's always got some new nickname for me, and it's better than most, at least."_

_"Well, James definitely doesn't think you look like death warmed over. It's probably because I'm pasty-pale and you – you're more – um – pretty-pale instead."_

And he'd been about to carry on and say all sorts of things he wouldn't ever be able to retract, but he'd stopped himself and mumbled an apology. And Lily had smiled and blushed, but then the smile had disappeared and she had given him a long, searching look, like she wanted him to say something more. And they'd been standing alone together in a corridor. And he'd muttered some excuse about having to be somewhere. And that had been his day.

_Moony._

_You're a werewolf. Lily deserves better than a werewolf._

* * *

Remus looked at his cauldron in despair. His own potion was a black gloop he doubted even Slughorn could salvage.

_- So, Mr Lupin, care to explain your recent drop in Potions grades? Haven't been concentrating in class?_

_- On the contrary, professor. I've been concentrating very hard._

_- Well, what on earth have you been concentrating on then? It can't have been your ingredients._

_- Ah, you see, professor – it's –_

_- Well, Lupin?_

_- Lily, sir._

_- Gilly? Like gillyweed?_

_- Yes sir. Lilyweed. Lilyweed._

He looked up at a certain bench at the front of the classroom. A certain bench where Severus was showing Lily how to crush Sopophorous beans. Which involved Lily holding a knife. And Severus holding Lily's hand as he demonstrated. Several times.

**Just let me eat this one, Moony. Even Severus can't taste ****_that _****bad. **

He chopped one of his own Sopophorous beans with enough force to leave the knife embedded in the table.

_Careful, Snivellus._

For once, he was tempted to listen to werewolf-Remus.

* * *

His eyes travelled blearily across the page in front of him.

_…most often in graveyards. Amongst other places, ghouls can also be found to reside in the vaults of tall churches, the attics or upper rooms of mansions or old houses..._

Animated whispers were coming from the table next to his.

_…in graveyards. Amongst other places, ghouls can also be found to reside in the vaults of tall churches, the attics or upper rooms of mansions or old..._

There was a gasp of surprise.

_…graveyards. Amongst other places, ghouls can also be found to reside in the vaults of tall churches, the attics or upper rooms of mansions or..._

"No!"

_…places, ghouls can also be found to reside in the vaults of tall churches, the attics or upper..._

He realised he'd been reading the same sentence in his Defence textbook for the last minute. Maybe he should have gone to the library instead of the Common Room if he wanted to get some work done. At the adjacent table Lily and Alice were having a conversation that seemed to consist entirely of whispers and giggling.

_Alice Prewett. Sixth year Gryffindor. Short, mousy-haired, sweet girl. Looks cute when she falls asleep in History of Magic. Best friends with Lily Evans. Good at: distracting Frank, going missing with Frank, making Frank say daft things, gossiping with Lily, threatening to put James and Sirius in detention, arguing with James and Sirius when they tell her she isn't a prefect, demanding I put them in detention for her, arguing with me. Marauder Prank Hit List: absent. _

Alice noticed he was watching her and gave him a look of amusement. The kind of look that made him feel like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing.

_What, me? _

He pointed to himself and Alice nodded with a knowing smirk. Then she motioned towards Lily and blew him a kiss.

Lily turned around in horror. Alice started giggling again.

"Hi Remus", she said brightly, as Lily coloured and whispered furiously for her to be quiet, "I hear Prefect Patrol was more fun than usual last night—" she dissolved into laughter as Lily clamped a hand over her mouth and forcibly dragged her away up the girls' staircase.

He watched them go, perplexed, and returned to his textbook, finishing his chapter on _Dealing with Ghouls_. He wished the next one was called _Dealing with Girls_, but it wasn't; it was _Dealing with Giants and Goblins _instead. And then on to _Grims and Grindylows_.

Near the back of the book there was a chapter titled _Dealing with Werewolves_. Somehow it didn't seem fair that Lily could read about him, but there wasn't anything he could read about her.

_Except for the poems James writes for her. And those little hearts he draws with J+L inside them._

_Dealing with Guilt _would have been useful too.

* * *

"What if we turn all the desks in Flitwick's classroom into— no…" James broke off and looked up at the ceiling for prank inspiration.

It was after supper. The Mauraders were sitting on a sofa in the Common Room. All four were deep in contemplation. Peter sat up suddenly in excitement.

"I've got it! What if we vanish some of the staircases – wait for it – and replace them with illusions of staircases – wouldn't that be hilarious?"

"So some first year falls through the stairs and dies when he tries to get from Defence to Transfiguration? That would be a hoot, Wormtail."

"Really – oh – I thought it would be funny…"

"Well if you keep trying to be funny, you'll land us all in Azkaban, so tone it down a bit."

"Right… sorry... I guess we can't poison the pumpkin juice on the Slytherin Table then…"

"No!"

"We could replace the Fat Lady with that drunk monk again?" Sirius offered.

"Last time we did that no one could get into the Common Room for three days, remember? – we had to fly in through the dormitory window on our broomsticks – and Peter slipped off his—" James said, grinning at the memory.

"Only because it was raining that day!" Peter protested.

"Sure Pete, keep telling yourself that…"

"We were fifty feet up! I could have died!"

"Come off it! - you missed the chance to become a pranking martyr. It's a damn shame Moony had his wand out and levitated you before you hit the ground—"

Sirius turned to Remus.

"Any ideas, Moony? You've been pretty quiet."

The reason Remus was being quiet was because it was nearly Patrol time, and Lily had just emerged from the girls' staircase, and _oh merlin she was practically_ _skipping over_, looking entirely too enthusiastic for someone who was about to walk laps of cold, damp corridors for a few hours.

_That is – um – all we'll be doing._

"Hey", she said breathlessly.

And then she put her hand out for him to take.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. _

He looked at the hand. What a lovely, pretty, awful hand it was.

James and Peter stopped arguing and looked at the hand.

Acting on desperate inspiration, he took the hand and made a show of pulling himself up off the sofa, letting go of Lily as he did so, and hurried out of the Common Room into the blessed safety of an empty corridor. Lily followed him.

And then he did something he'd wanted to do all day. He kissed her. And there wasn't a damn thing James Potter or Sirius Black could do about it.

_Guilty bliss._


	3. Night 2: Freckles and Frowns

Night 2: Freckles and Frowns

* * *

"Are we going to get any patrolling done tonight?"

_I hope not._

"Well, if we stay in this broom cupboard, it stops any handsy Hufflepuffs from getting in here. And it just wouldn't be patrol without disappointing a few handsy Hufflepuffs."

There was a giggle in the dark.

"You know", Lily began, and he shivered at the sensation of her breath on his neck. "If a few handsy Hufflepuffs stumbled in, they wouldn't be the first to know. Alice was very interested to hear about your exploits last night."

"Was she now?"

"Of course", Lily answered. "What do James and Sirius – and Peter, think?"

_Oh, they're over the moon about it. Naturally. We're having a party later. Snacks and punch. Or just punch. Lots of punching. Punching me._

"I haven't told them yet", he said quietly, chewing on the words as he thought of how to explain to Lily that he was no better than Hamish when it came to fearing James Potter.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Are you ashamed to be with me?" asked a small voice.

_Am I what? Lily—_

"Lumos."

A concerned countenance looked into his.

_Freckles and frowns._

"Why haven't you told them?" she whispered anxiously.

_Because I already go to the Hospital Wing once a month. And it isn't the full moon tonight._

"Because—"

Lily's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Don't you dare say his name, Remus", she hissed. "I don't want to hear it."

Remus thought long and hard about what he could say to avoid angry-Lily. Because he was rather frightened of angry-Lily. Even James was frightened of angry-Lily, and James was barely frightened of angry-McGonagall.

_James._

"James."

_I shouldn't have said that. _

And Lily seemed to agree with him, because she shot him a disappointed look and shuffled as far away from him as she could. Which was quite difficult, given the size of the broom cupboard. But the message was clear.

"I thought you'd be different. But you're just like Hamish. You care more about him than you do me."

Lily looked miserably at the floorboards.

_Do me?_

Remus blinked several times and willed his brain to stay on track. But staying on track was difficult, because angry-Lily had just vanished and disappointed-Lily had taken her place, all in a matter of seconds, and the only thing he knew for sure was that it was most definitely all his fault. Everything was all his fault. And he had to fix it.

"You know that's not true", he whispered, trying to take Lily's hand into his own, but she glared at him, her eyes deep with hurt, and he stopped. "I wouldn't be sitting here if it was. It's just with James, you know – he takes you for granted, and so whenever anyone else steps in he takes it personally. And he's going to think I'm betraying him."

"This isn't betraying him", she said fiercely. "This has nothing to do with James Potter. He's supposed to be your friend, Remus."

"I'm supposed to be his friend as well", he said glumly. "Look, I know I'm no good at this, but I've never had a girlfriend before–"

Lily brightened considerably at this.

"—and for what it's worth, I'd quite like to keep her."

_If she'll let me._

"And I owe James something. Something that can't ever be repaid."

_Severus Snape's life. And keeping me out of Azkaban._

"And if he finds about us, he might use it against me."

"Is it something you can tell me?" she asked.

_I don't think you'd like very much it if I told you you're sitting in a broom closet with a werewolf._

"No."

Lily shuffled back towards him and looked at him fondly. "I don't mind", she whispered, but Remus looked listlessly away, ashamed at his secret-keeping. "And I think we've talked far too much, considering we're in a broom cupboard."

_I agree._

He glanced up and Lily giggled at his hopeful expression.

"And you called me something just now", she whispered happily.

_I did._

"I did?" he said, feigning surprise.

Lily turned away, frowning in disappointment, and he could see she was already telling herself he'd said it by mistake, that she didn't mean that much to him, that he didn't care—

"Of course I meant it", he whispered, and Lily's eyes widened in relief.

She took both of his hands into her own and placed them in her lap, her fingers easing his wand from his hand into hers.

_Well, wands do get in the way of hand-holding._

But Lily obviously had something else in mind because all of a sudden there was the tip of a wand poking him in the neck.

_Er – Lily?_

"Toying with my affections isn't very nice, Remus", she whispered in her most menacing voice, which was spoiled slightly by the fact she was still smiling.

_Please don't hurt me. _

Remus remembered his hands were resting in her lap, and as he brought them up to defend himself, he discovered something rather interesting. The hem of Lily's jumper.

_Hmm._

His brain faltered for a moment as he remembered the sort of things that were usually under girls' jumpers.

_Not those sorts of things, you pervert. Those are Sirius things. And Lily isn't a Sirius-girl. _

But part of Remus wished Lily was a Sirius-girl. The same part of him that stole Peter's chocolate when he wasn't looking. The part of him that turned a blind eye whenever James hexed Snape in the corridors. The part of him that had cheated on an Ancient Runes test once in fifth year when he'd been sneaking Firewhiskey the night before. The part of him that had, for the last month, wanted to hex Hamish Dapperly when he so much as held Lily's hand in front of him. The part of him that wanted to do much, much more than hold Lily's hand. The part of him that lay away at night wondering what lay under Lily Evans' jumper.

_You know already know what's under her jumper. Her shirt._

His hands slipped under Lily's jumper. And they did indeed encounter a shirt.

Then remembered the sort of things that were usually under girls' shirts. And his brain almost stopped working altogether.

_Er – _

Luckily his hands didn't, because they found their way underneath the shirt as well.

And found bare skin. Bare skin. Lily's skin. Soft and lovely and warm under his fingers.

Lily let out a squeak of surprise and instantly clapped a hand to her mouth, blushing furiously.

_You look so cute when you're embarrassed._

She began stammering an apology, visibly mortified, and it took half a minute of whispered assurances before she would look at him. And she almost melted in relief when she did, seeing that he didn't mind in the slightest, and for a moment they were just friends again, sharing smiles and affectionate looks. Until Remus remembered he had his hands under Lily's shirt. Which didn't seem like a very just-friends thing to be doing. And Lily's breath caught when he reminded her where his hands were.

"Is this an accepted apology?" he whispered.

"Definitely", she breathed with a tantalising smile, shuffling closer, and he had to try very hard to ignore what she was doing to him and focus on what he should be doing to her.

"Can you_–" _he wheezed, glancing at her hand, where the wand she'd touched to his neck was now digging into his throat.

"Oh – sorry."

She removed the wand and gave him a kiss of apology.

"Better?"

"Much", he replied.

Lily let out another involuntary squeak and shivered in pleasure as his hands resumed their wandering and delved upwards, but neither of them was smiling anymore, and Remus could feel every intake of breath as her breathing quickened in response, and Lily blushed, embarrassed at how quickly she was unravelling in his hands, and he could see she was struggling keep a steady grip on his wand as his hands kept going, further and further up, until his thumb brushed fabric and he paused, drawing a long, ragged breath from Lily as she bit her lip and watched him, wide-eyed, hardly daring to blink.

"Nox", he whispered, gazing into those eyes that watched him with nervous excitement.

"Nox?" she repeated.

And all was dark again.


	4. Day 2: Lilyland with No Escape

Day 2: Lilyland with No Escape

* * *

Remus opened an eye slowly. The form of James, searching on the floor between beds for his school tie, appeared between his hangings.

_What should I do, James?_

"Do about what?" James stopped and looked at him curiously.

Could James read minds?

_Don't think about Lily. Do not think about Lily. Think about safe topics. Scrambled eggs. Transfiguration homework. Quidditch. Brooms. Cupboards. Broom Cupboards. Darkness. Teasing fingers and soft lips and Lily Evans – no! _

"Are you alright, Moony?"

_Toast. Breakfast blushes and sharing smiles and oh, Lil– stop! _

"Yeah – sorry – did I say that out loud?" he managed, concentrating very hard on not concentrating on—

_Lily. Oops._

"Yeah."

"Oh."

_I've cracked at last. I've completely lost it. Lost my wits. Lost my heart to—_

Remus rolled over and started to gnaw at his pillow. He looked quite feral.

_Lily._

A groan came from inside his four-poster as he tried, in vain, to banish Lily from his thoughts. James muttered something about breakfast and disappeared.

_Breakfast._

Remus wondered if there was anything tasty down in the Great Hall. It definitely wasn't the toast he wanted to ravish_._

_I didn't think that. That's a Sirius thought. I think about books and homework and being a good, studious werewolf who does his prefect duties—like Lily—_

He whimpered and made a valiant attempt to smother himself with his pillow.

* * *

It was all Alice's fault.

Lily and Alice usually came to Charms together. Lily and Alice usually sat together with the other Gryffindor girls at the front of the classroom. Remus usually sat at the back of the classroom, where James and Sirius could sit on either side and pester him for the homework from last lesson.

These were the unspoken seat arrangements for Charms. And they had been completely ruined because Alice had decided to show up late.

Without Alice, there had been an empty seat next to Lily. An empty seat next to Lily Evans very quickly became a seat occupied by James Potter. This had left an empty seat next to Remus, and as Alice had hurried in, muttering apologies and something about being in the Owlery which he assumed was code for _I was with Frank Longbottom Professor Flitwick and one thing led to another and we lost track of time… _she had taken the seat next to him.

Or more accurately, she had taken the seat next to him, and was currently trying to take his. Because as much as Remus wanted to focus on his Charms lesson, he couldn't ignore that Alice Prewett was sitting very close to him. And she kept giving him significant looks.

_Did – did you just waggle your eyebrows at me, Prewett? Do you want Frank to put me in the Hospital Wing?_

He had a small chance of surviving just James. But if it was both James and Frank, well – there would be a lot more Gryffindors seeing Thestrals very soon.

He looked at Alice. Alice winked at him. He looked down at his Charms notes. Then he looked up at Alice again. Alice muffled a laugh with her hand.

_Alice looks so pretty when she laughs._

Not that he would every say as much to Lily. Or Frank. Definitely not Frank.

He wished he could ignore Alice. The problem, as it usually was, was that he was a werewolf. With a wolfish sense of smell. And while it was relatively easy to stop Alice-looking – much easier than it was to stop Lily-looking, in fact – he couldn't ignore her. Because he could _smell _Alice. Her scent. What she'd had for breakfast. The shower she'd had before breakfast. And he couldn't stop wondering what Alice looked like when she showered, her pale, flawless skin, white as snow and just as soft, beaded with water, plastered with the orange hair that flowed right down to the small of her back, just above—

_Alice has brown hair._

Even when another girl was practically sitting in his lap, Remus only had thoughts for one girl.

_Lily._

Lily made him hate Hogwarts robes. Lily made him wonder what was underneath Hogwarts robes. Lily made him forget his own name. Lily made him forget to breathe when she smiled. Lily made him forget about loyalty to James. Lily made him forget James altogether. And whenever Sirius or Peter groaned about James' Lily-fixation, Lily made him keep quiet. Because he understood everything James felt, even if he didn't have the nerve to say so. Lily, more than anyone else, made him hate being a werewolf. Lily made him feel like he'd drunk six Butterbeers every time she smiled at him. Lily looked as pretty as every other girl looked when you'd drunk six Butterbeers. But he didn't need to drink six Butterbeers to have those kinds of thoughts about Lily. Lily made him ignore every other girl in school. Lily made sure he didn't even look twice at Alice.

Not that he would ever say as much to Alice. Or James. Definitely not James.

Remus decided it was probably best if he never told anyone what he was really thinking.

**I'll tell them.**

_What? This has nothing to do with you, you filthy mongrel. Are you trying to blackmail me?_

**If I don't get to eat a whole tasty, succulent human next full moon, I'll tell them all—**

_You can't talk, idiot._

**Then why can you hear me?**

_Er – because – _

Remus wondered if he should go and see Madam Pomfrey. And his expression must have said as much, because Alice looked rather worried and asked if he was alright.

"Yeah, fine", he muttered, wondering if there was a way to keep werewolf-Remus quiet. Or if werewolf-Remus was even real.

**Of course I am, you idiot.**

_You would say that._

"Remus?" a voice breathed into his ear.

_Alice?_

"Hmm?"

He followed Alice's gaze to the front of the classroom. To the two people his attention had been focused on all lesson.

_James and Lily._

Today, Lily didn't seem to despise James quite as much as she usually did. In fact, she was even smiling at some of his jokes; he could have sworn he even heard her _giggle _once.

_I bet James is stealing all my jokes. Only because his are all rubbish._

When Remus was with Lily, he found it very difficult to forget James was supposed to be his best friend. But when James was with Lily, he found it extremely easy. Especially as James had just – _just! _placed his hand on Lily's arm, and Lily wasn't cursing him or threatening to disembowel him like she usually did; she only shifted her arm slightly and looked at him in amusement.

_Grrr. _

There was a hand on his arm as well.

"What is it?" he whispered to Alice.

"James and Lily look to be getting pretty cosy over there. Jealous?" she whispered back.

"Not at all", said a high-pitched, nervous voice. And then it laughed girlishly.

_Oh dear._

It couldn't possibly have been Remus' voice, because his was so low and manly. And this voice made Alice sound like Hagrid.

"You don't have to pretend, you know", she whispered. "Lily told me about the two of you."

_I know. I've been trying to forget she told you – because if Lily told you, then it's just a matter of time before you tell someone, probably Frank, and then it's just a matter of time before Frank tells someone, probably Olivia, and then the whole school will know. And then we'll have a big school funeral for me. Dead me. Dearly departed me. _

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"You and Lily?" Alice tried again.

_Er – yes – you and Lily and me – not like that – pull it together Moony – Lily told you about the two of us. Not the three of us. Definitely not. _

"Me and Lily?" he replied.

_Lily and I, you dolt. Love is no excuse for poor grammar._

"She seems quite taken with you, Remus."

_Quite taken!_

There was a pleasant, warm feeling in his chest.

At the front of the class, James was saying something to Lily. And Lily was laughing.

_Taken!_

"James doesn't know yet."

"You haven't told him?"

"Not exactly", he said, wincing at the thought.

_Hey James. You know the long-term love of your live – your Lily-flower? I kissed her last night and the night before that. And I really like her. No biggie._

"So…" Alice leant in even closer and Remus silently thanked Merlin that Frank wasn't taking Charms. "What do you think about Lily?"

_What do I think about what now? Lily Lu—Evans. Hmm. _

"She's really nice?"

Alice didn't look impressed. He really hoped he wasn't supposed to start talking about his Lily-feelings. Because he had a sneaking suspicion that Alice would start talking about her Frank-feelings in return and then of course they'd have to start going on double-dates to Hogsmeade where they could all talk about their feelings together and Lily and him would start doing lots of other coupley things like sharing Butterbeers and holding hands at lunch and trying to eat a meal with only one bloody hand and passing each other daft notes in Ancient Runes and everything would be going ever so smoothly until one night he'd wake up with the sharpened handle of a Comet 180 fashioned into a stake and driven into his cold, betraying werewolf-heart.

_I'm so sorry, James._

Then again, he might be overthinking things.

"Er—", he tried. "It's just—"

"The tender agonies of love?" Alice supplied, and smiled as he gave her a look of horror.

"You're hardly one to talk, Mrs. Longbottom", he replied, and chuckled as Alice gasped in mock-outrage and shoved him playfully. Then she leant in with a smirk and he stopped smiling very quickly.

"Don't act like you've never thought about it. Mr. and Mrs. Lily Lupin."

Remus went very quiet.

_Only once or twice. I swear. _

**Lies, lies! He thinks about it every—**

_Shh! Wait, why am I shushing you? She can't hear you anyway._

**Not yet. But soon. And then you'll have to buy my silence with yummy, yummy people—**

_Is all you think about eating people? It gets very tedious, you know._

**Tedious! Tedious – do you have any idea how boring it is living in your head, only getting out once a month, and all I get to listen to is Lily this and Lily that when there's a perfectly nice, edible girl sitting right next to you—**

_Lily._

Remus thought back to last night's prefect patrol. And smiled at some rather pleasant memories.

**Stop it! Please stop it, I'll stop talking about eating people, I'll do anything you want, I promise, just stop thinking about Lily Lupin-Evans or whatever you're calling her at the moment, I can't take it anymore – it's Lilyland with no escape in here! And you think I'm obsessed – honestly!**


	5. Night 3: Option 184

Night 3: Option #184

It's a long one, it's a good'un, - enjoy!

* * *

Lily was waiting for him with a smile in the Common Room.

_I know I'm not the first boy you've smiled at today, Miss Evans._

They walked over to the Common Room door a very respectable distance apart. Just two prefects who happened to be a boy and a girl and just happened to go on long walks with no one but each other for company. Nothing there to interest the Gryffindor rumour-mill. And if Remus offered Lily a hand to help her down from the Portrait Hole, and if Lily held onto his hand for longer than was strictly necessary, well they were just good friends and everyone else could mind their own sodding business.

"You seemed to enjoy someone's company more than usual in Charms today", Remus said, as the Portrait Hole closed.

"Well, someone put me in a good mood yesterday. And someone didn't seem to mind sharing seats with Alice earlier", Lily replied, with a teasing smile that wasn't quite convincing.

_Jealousy really does have green eyes._

She held onto his hand and stepped very close to him. Close enough for him to forget what he was thinking and lose himself in freckle-counting instead.

"I know something that can make you forget all about James."

_Oh no. You associate James with kissing. That can't possibly be good. _

"You don't want James over me, then?" he blurted out, and she drew back, frowning.

"No – Remus." He could see his concern reflected in her eyes. "Why would you think something like that?

_Because._

_Because everything. Because he made you laugh in Charms today. Because it's skinny, scarred, werewolf me up against the Gryffindor Quidditch captain who half the girls in this castle would give an arm and a leg to go to Hogsmeade with, and when he does that thing where he runs a hand through his hair to ruffle it up all the Hufflepuff girls sigh and I can't see why any girl in her right mind – especially you and your rather fine mind – would pick me over him. Because there isn't exactly a shortage of boys wanting to go with you to Hogsmeade either – I mean, most of us are willing to risk death by James Potter, so you must be a pretty good catch. Because you're a girl with options, and for most girls, Remus Lupin is about option #184._

"I dunno", he said, shrugging. "I haven't really thought about it before."

_Only every time you look at him._

"Now, don't you think if I wanted anything to do with James," Lily spoke carefully, wary of saying anything Remus could misinterpret, "or wanted to do anything with James—"

_Oh God. You already have._

"—I could have him quite easily?"

_I knew it. I knew it._

"Yes", he said glumly, ready for Lily to confess and tell him he was an idiot for thinking she could ever like him. Then she'd run off with James, and get married probably. And he'd still be standing in this corridor, heartbroken.

She linked her hands around his neck and drew his gaze down to meet hers.

"And have I done anything, or had anything done to me, by James Potter?"

_Yes?_

"No?" he said hopefully.

"No", she assured him, "because I want you, Remus."

A bubble of hope formed in his chest. Maybe Lily wasn't that smart after all if she just wanted him. Maybe she really did want him, and he wasn't just a distraction from Hamish, or another boy to make James jealous—

"She doesn't mean it, boy!"

Now, Remus being more than a little insecure, they hadn't made it far before he'd voiced his fears about James. Only about five steps from the Portrait Hole, in fact.

The Fat Lady and Violet were both sitting in the Portrait Hole, and as usual, a visit accompanied by Violet meant a visited accompanied by drink – which had rather obvious consequences, as neither of the ladies had particularly sober personalities to begin with. Especially the Fat Lady, who was fixing Lily with a scornful stare.

"Teasing the poor boy with all your past lovers, are you?" she asked.

"Excuse me?" Lily retorted, colouring. Remus winced.

_If you hex her, we can't get back into Gryffindor Tower. _

_I don't want to spend the night in an empty classroom somewhere. With you. And no one else. A night we could spend together. A night away from everyone else. A night to keep each other warm. A night where anything could happen. A night I could spend watching you fall asleep in my arms._

He almost hexed the Fat Lady himself.

"Who – hic – are these two, then?" Violet asked, peering down at Remus and Lily.

"This is the one I've been telling you about, Violet", the Fat Lady said in a stage whisper, "The redheaded temptress. Every night she leaves with some boy, they go off to god knows where and do god knows what, only coming back a few hours later in the dead of night, always waking me up – and then the next night she's at it again, the strumpet—"

"We're on prefect patrol", Lily said hotly, glaring at the Fat Lady.

"Is that what you call it, you hussy? I've known girls like you, saucy ones who think just because they're prettier than the rest of us proper, decent girls they can run off with a different boy every night—"

"It's the same boy every night!" Lily cried, pushing Remus back towards the Fat Lady for inspection.

_No – dammit Evans – _

He stumbled forwards, cursing Lily, and shrank back under the looks the Fat Lady and Violet were giving him with. Violet waved and blew him a kiss.

_Lily can't tell me off if women in portraits are flirting with me, can she?_

But Lily's expression said she most definitely could.

"Well, you're certainly more of a looker than her usual victims", the Fat Lady said, smiling in a way that made Remus very glad she was trapped in a painting.

_Um – thanks? But I'm already with someone._

"What victims?" Lily demanded, glowering at the Fat Lady from behind Remus.

_Someone scary. Don't tell her I said that. She'll hurt me. Please don't. _

"I wasn't talking to you, strumpet." The Fat Lady turned her nose up at Lily and gave Remus a grin so ghastly it gave him goosebumps. Not the good kind of goosebumps. Not the Lily-kind.

"Er – don't call Lily a strumpet, please?"

Remus knew he wasn't good at being assertive, but he was sure this was one of those stand-up-for-your-girlfriend moments Sirius and Frank were always complaining about, so he tried to sound like he was defending Lily. "Or a hussy", he added.

"She's playing you, you know – tomorrow she'll leave you for someone else and you'll be heartbroken—"

_I know she will._

"—like her past lovers, she has scores of them, I daresay—"

"Honestly, we don't have to listen to this", Lily snapped, and pulled Remus off down the corridor by his arm.

"Don't let her take your innocence, my boy!" The Fat Lady shouted after them, as Violet waved them off with a tipsy grin.

_I should be so lucky. _

Remus wasn't sure he'd be listening to the Fat Lady if Lily wanted to take his innocence.

_Careful Romeo. Those are dangerous thoughts._

Lily dragged him into an empty classroom. There were more dangerous thoughts.

"So", she said, with her most enticing smile. "What should we do tonight?"

_Each other?_

"Er—"

He tried to look as innocent as possible, but Lily saw right through him.

And hit him.

_Ouch! Curse you, dangerous thoughts. _

"Now listen here, Lupin", she said sharply, although there was a note of amusement in her voice. "I think you've been listening to the Fat Lady a bit too much if you think that's where this is going—"

_I didn't mean it like that – spending all this time with Sirius has ruined me. And when you look at me like that, what am I supposed to think? _

"—especially considering this is only our second date!"

_Um… come again?_

"Are these dates?" he asked incredulously.

_If they are, I should have definitely worn something nicer than an old jumper I nicked off James. Perhaps I should stop nicking things that belong to James. Like his old jumpers. And his Transfiguration homework notes. And his Honeydukes chocolate stash._

_And Lily Evans. _

Who was doing her blushing best to backtrack and apologise.

"No?" she winced at his fearful expression. "Not if you don't want it to be, there doesn't need to be any pressure, this doesn't have to be official, it was Alice's idea anyway, I know you can't tell James, I just thought it would be nice to call them that – and anyway, I didn't think the first night counted, because we didn't know about it – not that I didn't want it to happen, it was just the whole thing with Hamish and then – I don't know, Remus, I just – I just really like you— anyway, last night when you called me your girlfriend, and I thought that maybe you thought – I mean, I thought that you thought that these were dates but if that's not what you thought I think that's—"

_What – what – WHAT IS GOING ON? _

"Stop – please", he said, trying to rescue Lily from her own explanations, but she kept rambling on, becoming more and more frantic, less and less coherent, until he gave up and silenced her with a kiss.

_Mmm. Much better. _

"Now, if this really is a date…" he tried again, only for Lily to beam at him and catch him round the neck in excitement.

"I knew you'd understand! Alice kept saying it was and I didn't believe—"

_Don't make me kiss you again, Evans._

He placed a finger on her lips and she stopped to watch it with a look of nervous concentration, not trusting herself to keep quiet for long, which left him trying to ignore how adorable she looked when she was slightly cross-eyed, because he didn't really trust himself not to kiss her again.

"If this is a date…"

He looked warily at Lily. She kept quiet and nibbled on his finger in compliance.

_As nice as that is, I'm trying to form whole sentences at the moment. So please stop it._

"…then I think I should choose the location."

Lily nodded eagerly. He slowly removed the finger from her lips with a look that said very clearly any more outbursts would not be tolerated, and she remained obediently mute as he took her by the hand and led her off down the corridor.

For someone with a furry little problem, Remus thought he could be quite smooth sometimes.

"What happens on the third date?" he whispered.

She hit him again.

* * *

Sirius hit him again. Or rather, thumped him rather painfully on the shoulder. Lily gave playful punches, but these ones hurt a bit more.

They were sitting in the dormitory bathroom. Remus had returned from patrol quite a bit later than usual, and everyone else was sound asleep. Everyone else except Sirius, who had dragged him into the bathroom the moment he'd come into the dormitory, when he would have much rather have gone straight to bed and warmed up. Because he was _bloody_ freezing. And as taken as he was with Lily, he didn't really want to be taken with pneumonia as well.

"Pay attention, Moony."

Remus wondered if all his distractions had freckles.

_My Lily-flower does. And Lilies are the best flowers of all. Even better than tulips. Or maybe Lily chewing her lip? That's always nice. _

It seemed he was dangerously close to becoming completely Lily-smitten. Smitten or love-bitten.

**Bitten? What's this about biting? Are we finally getting round to—**

_Shh._

His silence earned him another Padfoot punch.

_Ow!_

"Listen." Sirius gave him a venomous stare. "You've got some explaining to do, Moony. Because I highly doubt your prefect patrol route involves spending an hour in the Room of Requirement."

_What? No—_

And he thrust the Marauders' map at Remus, who snatched at it and went cold with horror.

_Shit. I'm in deep. Shit._

* * *

"Here we are", he said.

They were standing in an empty corridor. Lily looked at him dubiously.

_Oh ye of little faith…_

Remus wondered if Lily would permit to being blindfolded. Not that it mattered either way, because he wasn't brave enough to ask her.

_Okay Room, _he thought fervently, _this is it. I need something… something romantic._

He had a sudden vision of pincushions with tassels. And horribly florid wallpaper.

_Maybe not too romantic, then. Please don't turn into Madam Puddifoot's. I just want someplace cosy and warm. _

Of course, if the Room responded to what he really wanted, he might be in quite a lot of trouble.

_Behave yourself, Room. Lily isn't that type of girl._

He hoped there wasn't a bed. If there was he could blame it on Sirius' last visit to the Room. But he didn't think Lily would like the implication very much.

* * *

He held the Map numbly.

"Not so smart now, are you Moony?"

"Sirius, I swear, nothing happened, we were just talking–"

"I don't want to hear it."

"What have you told James?" he asked.

"You seem awfully worried for someone who claims to have been doing nothing but talking all night", Sirius coolly remarked.

Remus winced.

_You got me. _

"You're not so good at lying when it comes to the girls, are you?"

_Not nearly as good as you._

"Any tips?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood. Sirius chuckled.

"It takes years of practice", Sirius said with a roguish grin, and for a moment everything was back to normal, and they were just two friends, joking about girls in the dormitory. Then his expression hardened. "Come on Moony, you should know Lily's a no-go. Even I know that, and I almost never listen to James."

"Yeah, I know."

_No-go. Off-limits. Potter-prohibited. Feelings-forbidden. Already spoken for. _

Remus wasn't entirely sure why Lily couldn't speak for herself.

"You're going to tell James everything. Tomorrow. Or I will. And believe me, I won't make it sound as innocent and misguided as you will." His face was set.

Remus nodded glumly in agreement. Sirius looked apologetic.

"I'm sorry Moony. I know we're mates. But I can't lie to James now I know – and you know how he gets when it's Lily. But at least there are other girls – fish in the sea, and all that."

_There's only one fish for me._

* * *

"Well?" Remus asked nervously, because Lily was looking around the Room, frowning at something he couldn't fathom.

The Room – well, it hadn't done much, actually. There was a fireplace, crackling merrily as it bathed the walls in a warm orange glow. Aside from a few cushions, loosely arranged by the fireplace, and a large, solitary, woolly blanket, that was it. No bed.

_Is it the fireplace? Is it the cushions? Is it me? Oh Merlin – it's all three, isn't it? We can go – I know this is a rubbish date, I bet Hamish made you dinner and wrote you poems and tamed a unicorn from the Forbidden Forest just so he could give to you as a pet, didn't he? _

"Have you taken girls here before?" There was a note of apology in her voice for asking the question, but he could see she needed to be reassured.

_Of course I have. I'm Remus J Lupin. Werewolf womaniser. Every girl's wolfy wish._

"Never", he said, smiling at the absurdity of the thought.

Lily brightened considerably and led him to the fireplace. "Sorry for asking. I just – I wanted to be the first."

"I'm not Sirius, you know. And I doubt many girls would want to come up here with me", he said wryly.

"I can think of a few", she said, lying down beside him and covering them both with the blanket. "Don't think I haven't noticed Katie Peerson practically _ogling_ you every single lesson in Runes."

_Wait – what?_

The concept that a girl could like him was rather new to Remus.

_Katie Peerson. Sixth Year Hufflepuff. Tall, skittish girl who always looks nervous around me. Good at: Runes, arguing with her younger brother in the Great Hall, and looking at me, apparently._

"Katie Peerson?"

"Oh, definitely." Lily said it like he was the last person in Hogwarts to know. "Always looking at you like you're on display in the Honeydukes shop window. God, most lessons I have to stop myself from hexing that Hufflepuff cow. No one looks at _my_ Remus like that."

She sounded quite aggressive. Apparently jealous-Lily and girlfriend-Lily came together. And neither of them liked other girls Remus-looking.

"I'm your Remus now, am I?" he asked, feeling a bit flattered, but mostly frightened.

_Gulp._

"Of course. And I'm not sharing you with anyone." A pair of thin arms snaked around his chest to hold him possessively. "And luckily for me, you always come and sit next to me in Runes, so I don't have to worry about any Hufflepuffs stealing you away from me."

"I thought you tried to sit next to me?"

"No, you try to sit next to me. I sit wherever I want", Lily grinned at the look Remus gave her, and turned to look around the room herself. "What is this place, anyway?"

"An idea I had", he said. "Prefect patrols are cold. And I always liked it when we conjured blankets and got warm by the fireplace in the Common Room after patrol, when everyone else had gone to bed. Every night I wanted to share a blanket with you. I thought that if we did it that way, we could warm up together."

_I did also have some other ideas on how we could warm up together. _

These were the sort of ideas Remus planned on keeping to himself.

"You never asked about blanket-sharing." Lily sounded wistful. "How long have you wanted to?"

"Wanted to?"

"Share a blanket with me", she said softly. "When did you first know that you liked me?"

_Since back in second-year when we found a boggart in Defence which turned into a werewolf when I approached it and afterwards you gave me a hug and told me you'd protect me from all the werewolves in the world._

But somehow, saying he'd had feelings for Lily when she was thirteen didn't sound very good. Especially since she'd probably heard Peter asking him about the second-year Hufflepuffs at breakfast the day before.

_Now Lily will think I've got a thing for second-years. Thanks a bunch, Wormtail._

He trawled through his thoughts for a good Lily-memory. A more recent Lily-memory.

_Aha!_

"Remember that time we were paired together for Herbology, fourth-year? And we were bad – really bad at collecting Bubotuber Pus into the vials Sprout had given us, so bad we were the last ones left in the greenhouse. Anyway, we'd managed to spill most of it on the floor, so we were constantly falling over, and at one point I had to catch you or you would have knocked over half the plants in the greenhouse – I would never have been that brave normally, I think I'd have let you fall down a staircase before touching you in front of James." Remus paused and Lily giggled. "But then I was holding on to you and you were holding me, and it was only for a moment but I had the thought that you didn't look half bad even when you were covered in Bubotuber Pus. And then I wondered what you looked like when you weren't covered in Bubotuber Pus."

"What happened then?" Lily asked, smiling at the story and wriggling closer to Remus under the blanket.

"Well, the next day I saw what you like when you weren't coated in green sludge. And – you still didn't look half bad – I think I rather liked you then."

"_I didn't look half bad_." She smiled at the understated complement.

Both were quiet for a moment as they watched the fire crackle.

"It's your turn now", he whispered, giving Lily a nudge of encouragement. She looked at him apprehensively.

"Do I have to?"

He nodded.

"But yours was lovely and funny. I don't want to spoil it", she mumbled into his jumper.

"Please? It can't be that bad."

"Fine", she groaned. "Mine was last year – just before Easter."

There was a moment's hesitation before she continued.

"You found me in the library. Petunia had sent me a letter, and I'd brought it down from the Owlery to read. It said – it said that she didn't want me to come back for the holidays because she had a big piano recital that she was playing for the whole school, and I'd distract mum and dad from her with my _black_ _magic_ and _tricks_. She said we weren't really sisters after all, and if I wanted to stay at school for the summer holidays, that would be fine with her too. And then she realised _witch_ rhymed with _bitch_, so she wrote a bit more after that…" Lily tailed off, frowning, and Remus tucked a stray strand of red behind her ear. She shuffled closer in response.

"And then you came over. I knew you could see I'd been crying, but you didn't say a word. I gave you the letter to read – I don't know why I did that, it wasn't really the sort of thing you ought to share.

You read it. And at first you just looked confused, but when you finished it, you looked genuinely upset. I thought it was like you could almost understand what it was like, having someone hate you for something you were. Something you couldn't change about yourself."

Remus wondered if Lily would hate him for something he was. Something he couldn't change about himself.

_You did promise to protect me from all the werewolves in the world. Even the one that you're currently cuddling. _

"And I didn't cry again or anything like that – but you could see how much the letter hurt me – and you took my hand. And I remember thinking I quite liked holding hands with you." Lily bit her lip and looked up at him nervously. "Was that awful and embarrassing?"

"Not at all", he said, touched by the story. "Although I might have to tell Alice about it."

"You wouldn't dare."

"I might."

"Alice would enjoy it far too much. She thinks our secret night-time trysts are awfully romantic."

"Are they?" he asked.

"This one definitely is", Lily whispered with a smile, and treated him to a quick kiss.

* * *

"What happened?" Sirius demanded. "Exactly."

_Well, your honour, we went for a long and not entirely harmless walk—_

"Er – there was a fireplace, and we sat in front of it for a while – together – but not too together, I mean, we only kissed once or twice, I swear, if that. It definitely wasn't a date."

_It might have been a date. Just every-so-slightly a date._

For some reason, saying he'd kissed Lily seemed to cheer Sirius up, because he let out a long breath and sighed in relief.

"Sorry, Moony. I thought the worst had happened. Well, you're a better bloke than me, at any rate."

_I'm a better bloke than you? What do you mean— Oh. Like that._

Remus thought that, given the chance, he would most definitely not be a better bloke than Sirius.

Sirius continued. "I know we're all mates here – but James is my best friend. And there are things – things he won't be able to forgive, and neither will I. So this thing you're having with Lily can't go any further. It'll kill him if it does."

* * *

"I wish we could stay here all night", Lily murmured.

_Me too. Me too._

A pop sounded on the other side of the Room and a four-poster bed appeared, seemingly from nowhere.

Unfortunately Remus knew exactly where it had come from.

_No no no! – I wish there was no bed, no bedding, no pillows, no duvets, no thoughts about spending the night with Lily, no thoughts about spending the night in the same bed as Lily…_

Lily sat up in excitement.

"Remus, look! There's a bed."

Remus closed his eyes and thought fervently about Transfiguration homework and the hairs on Peter's big toe and his father's tax audits and Horace Slughorn in a dressing grown—

_The horror! The horror!_

"It just appeared—oh. It's gone now."

He peeked fearfully across the Room and let out a breath of relief upon seeing it was bed-less once more.

"I didn't see it", he said lamely.

"It was definitely there", Lily said, peering around the Room with the expectation of seeing the bed reappear at any moment.

"Are you sure you did imagine it?"

"Pretty sure", she replied, although there was a note of doubt in her voice. "I don't know why there would be a bed, though", she added, lying back down, and Remus tried in vain to ignore how her body _felt_, pressed against his: the way her legs were tangled up with his own, the way her breath tickled his neck, and the slow rise and fall of her chest, soft and warm on his stomach.

_Why would there be a bed? Because I'm a boy. And you're a girl. And we like each other. And we've been cuddling for an hour now. And sometimes cuddling leads to places. Places that require beds. Places that land me in beds in the Hospital Wing, courtesy of James Potter._

* * *

"Let's go to bed", Sirius declared with a yawn, and stood up. "It's too late for all this—"

_Bed. Now there's a thought._

"—I really don't know how you spend so much time disciplining people, Moony. Being a prefect must be exhausting."

_It has its perks. Lily-perks._

"You and James have given me plenty of practice", Remus grinned.

Sirius was looking at him sternly.

"Moony?"

Remus could hear the warning in his voice.

"You have to tell him about Lily. I'm serious."

_I know you are, Sirius._

Sirius left the bathroom, and Remus knew the jokes were only an attempt to distract himself from the fact he was in serious trouble.

_Sirius trouble._

* * *

"Sorry – there's usually more than a fireplace and some cushions."

Lily watched in wonder as the door to the Room of Requirement vanished into the wall.

"I loved it", she said shyly, and as she watched him with trust and affection in her eyes, looking so content in the flickering candlelight of the corridor, Remus felt something in himself he no longer needed to deny.

_I love you._

"Me too", he managed.

They began their walk back to the Common Room.

"It's cold without the fireplace, don't you think?"

_You're much too hot to get cold, Lily. _

Remus came dangerously close to punching himself in the face. Or worse, speaking.

_That the kind of line Sirius would use. Although if I were Sirius, and a bed appeared when I was in the Room of Requirement, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have got up and left. I'd probably still be in there… with you… doing things…_

He had another thought. He very carefully filed this thought away into a box in the back of his mind and tried to forget the thought had ever existed. The box was labelled _Things I Must Never Say Aloud To Anyone Ever_. The box was quite a large box, and a good deal of thoughts in it were Lily-thoughts.

"Remus – you're not cold then?" Lily asked again, and he realised he'd forgotten to answer the original question.

_I don't feel cold. But then again, I always feel warm inside when we're togeth—_

Maybe he should obliviate himself. But how did somebody going about obliviating themselves? He couldn't remember ever doing it before. Which either meant he had done it before, or he'd never done it.

_Hmm._

"Um – yeah?"

Lily hugged herself and rubbed her arms for warmth.

_Well, can't you use a heating charm?_

She chewed on her bottom lip and looked at him hopefully.

_Really?_

She was still looking at him.

_Don't give me those eyes. _

She sighed and nudged his foot with hers.

_Fine!_

Remus relented and took his jumper off, muttering darkly about underhand tactics and women of the night and saucy hussies until Lily silenced him with a smile and pinched the jumper from him. And he had to admit, she did look cute when she rolled the sleeves up. Almost cute enough to stop him from shivering. But he couldn't cast a heating charm on himself now, or he'd lose valuable boyfriend points.

_Brr – brilliant. _


End file.
